I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
