guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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