life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
