He asked to "fluff my boner.."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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