i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
