I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
