youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
