I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
