Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
