I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
