Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
