I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I checked into jail on foursquare
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
