So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
