I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
