i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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