I puked a lego.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
