he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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