i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
