he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
