i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
