Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
