I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
