my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize