Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
