Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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