no, he came in my armpit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
