Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
