I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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