You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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