Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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