Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
