dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
