I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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