That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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