He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
