your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
