he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have fence marks all over my body
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
