i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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