My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
