Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
