she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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