went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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