apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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