PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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