I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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