Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
