So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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