Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
