i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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