god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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