i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
