U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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