i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
