how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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