He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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