i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
