If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
