What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
