I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if only i could text you this smell
what day is it and did you see me today?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
