I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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