I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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