I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
