don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dignity is for republicans.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
