I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
