I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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