Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
