I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
