when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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