Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
