I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hippo gnu deer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
