But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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