I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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