i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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