So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
