My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
