Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
