Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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