do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
