I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
