onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
