i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
