sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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