You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
