i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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