these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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