I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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