i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
