he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
