i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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